The 80s Can Suck It.

What do the three random photos above have in common you might ask? Well, one is my Halloween costume, one was going to be my Halloween costume and one I almost had to be cut out of, or live as a half Strawberry Shortcake for the rest of my life. In a misguided attempt to relive my youth, I ordered a Wonder Woman costume online, though not as revealing as the one above since my post-baby body is not exactly as in shape as Lynda Carter's. It arrived yesterday..I tried it on immediately and knew it was not meant to be. I had ordered a Large just to be safe and unfortunately I was swimming in it..definitely could not have left the house wearing that ensemble. A Medium would have worked much better..maybe next year when I'm in better shape. Luckily I had ordered from Spirit Halloween and they happen to have about 20 store locations around the Twin Cities. I called and asked if I could exchange it for something else, and they were quite accommodating. The closest one was in St. Paul on University, so we made a family night of it and had some phabulous pho at Ngon after getting the costume situation under control. Most of the costumes they had were of the slutty variety - I was thinking of going as Alice in Wonderland but they really only offered a "Ho Alice" version in size: waytoosmallforme. I saw what looked like a kind of cute Strawberry Shortcake outfit that didn't seem extremely slutty, so decided to try it on along with a few others. Apparently it was a size -18 because I got the dress over my head and then literally got stuck in it, could not remove it and had to ask the salesgirl for assistance. I was afraid I'd have to buy and then get cut out of that thing. Not my finest moment. After trying to stuff my sausage self into a few other ensembles that looked horrible I just gave up and decided to go to the crazy fun Halloween party I'm attending tomorrow night with 300 friends as a flapper. It's easy, comfortable and a lot more forgiving than all the ho-lloween outfits out there. 23 Skidoo, bitches.