Behind The Diamond

Okay so I was gobbling up the latest US Weekly on my roof deck yesterday on a gorgeous, sunny, afternoon and came across this little write up on what is sure to be the lamest "memoir" ever written, by the one and only fame whorin', sex tape makin', Dirty Sanchezin', house forclosin', magician posin' Grade A Douche, Dustin Diamond.

I know he's a Grade A Douche from personal experience: back in days as an extra on TV shows, the friend who got me into the "Hollywierd" scene was often an extra on "Saved By The Bell." I'm not sure how it happened exactly, but she actually met DD on set, started talking to him and decided to..date him. Of course our little gang of friends down in the OC were all intrigued - I mean, she was dating Screech afterall, so she invited him to hang with us one Halloween. He came to our friend's house in OC for a little meet & greet in the street, where it was soon quite apparent he thought he was a movie star along the lines of Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and George Clooney all rolled into one - in looks, charisma, talent and fame. I can assure you, he is not. He didn't take his sunglasses off the entire night - not one time - I guess he didn't want us to be able to be affected by glancing at the pupils of a true Star. From there we went to a pretty lame haunted house aboard the Queen Mary cruise ship, docked ini Long Beach. This was many years ago so all I really remember was DD refusing to take off the shades, and as we wound our way through the line random OC brahs shouting out "Screech!" which just seemed to piss him off bigtime. I guess he was going "incognito" that night. And that he was prettymuch an ass to our friend who was dating him, and to all of us "minions." I don't really remember what we did after that, probably hit a Denny's for fries since none of us were 21 yet and there's not much else to do in The OC. But that is my story of a night with Screech.

Sadly, my story is probably more interesting than the "shocking expose" he unveils in this book about SBTB. Okay some of the cast smoked pot and made out with each other. Shocking. I think he's just bitter because they didn't invite him to smoke pot and nobody would hook up with him..and he was on the show for like 25 years and has not ever had another acting job since. I love that he's the standout for a reunion too - he refuses..like he's so busy/talented to waste his time. Whatevs, Screech. Please just don't make any more sex tapes. Even Zack Morris has commited to a reunion on Jimmy Fallon.